For a long time I thought there was a SECRET. When I would find out about THE SECRET all my problems with my weight would be solved. Every time I found out about a new diet I would be so excited, was this it? Was this the thing that was going to make me lose weight and never gain it back? Imagine the disappointment when it turned out that this was not IT, either. The cycle of self victimizing and keeping the unhealthy pattern would continue.
The most extreme SECRET I have tried is of course my GBP operation. I was so extremely focused on weight and fixing the exterior that I never reflected about anything else. My world revolved around diet and exercise. My reasoning was that because I didn’t have a strong will power (I failed at keeping a diet and I failed at regularly exercising) I would compensate by altering my body. I wouldn’t be able to eat physically and that would be the end of it! I know now that was completely wrong. There are people with a GBP that go back to eating as much as before their surgery and gain the weight back as well. What you end up with is a new set of problems which have to do with complications and/or consequences of the operation. One simple example is that you need the support of dietary supplements for the rest of your life or you could end up with malnutrition.
So how come, not even mechanically altering my body was the solution or the SECRET I was looking for? How come I went through ALL that pain and took ALL that risk but still ended up at an even worse place than I was before? Well, because I obsessively ignored what the universe was trying to tell me. I needed to turn my attention INSIDE instead of looking to the outside. I needed to focus on my behaviour and how I mentally dealt with the issues in my life. That if anything was the SECRET I was looking for.
My way to rehabilitation and recovery came when I read the book by Bitten Jonsson and Pia Nordström, Sockerbomben 3.0 (The sugar bomb 3.0). For the first time in my life I had an instant realisation that what Bitten was talking about in the book, applied to my life and my problems. First thing was that sugar is addictive and you need to treat it as a drug. Second, and more important for me, was that it goes way beyond cutting sugar from your diet. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food, you need to work with your interior much more than the exterior.
One of the most common question people ask me when I talk about GBP and sugar addiction is if I knew what I know now, before my surgery, would I go through it again or not? My short answer is NO, i wouldn’t do the GBP. But it’s still more complicated than that! What came out of my GBP surgery was that I had the chance to see beyond my exterior. When I had lost the excess weight and I could ware the size clothes I had been dreaming about, but I was still unhappy in the core, then I was ready to realise the truth. I believe, for me the surgery was absolutely necessary to be able to open my mind the way that I needed to, to be able to recover.
I believe that I went through everything that I need to go through to get here. I’m at such a positive stage in my life and recovery now, that I wouldn’t change anything. In life there is no thing as shortcuts or secrets, you can’t expect to avoid pain or suffering. What you CAN do is to use the experience to elevate yourself to higher ground!
